Author Archives: Vicky La France

Sweet Endings: My Lenten Dating Fast Wrap-Up

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OH MY.

I HAVE NOT BLOGGED IN TWO MONTHS.

WHAT?

Between final exams, graduation and packing up my life, I never got to tell you all how my dating fast ended. Well, the short answer is that it didn’t.

True, I finished Becker’s book, did all the exercises and reflections and learned a great deal about myself in the process. But like the story of Jesus and his apostles, my dating fast didn’t end with the Resurrection of our Lord. I still have a long way to go in my walk with Christ, as does everyone else; anyone who says otherwise is fooling themselves. I’m not perfect. I still have many wounds that need healing. I’m still a hopeless romantic and there are times that I get impatient or anxious to be in a relationship. But God has blessed me abundantly in the past two months with friends, fellowship, peace and academic success.

In a sort of catch-up post, I’ll share a few of those blessings here:

1. My school’s second annual Beautiful Women of God retreat, which I helped to plan. I also got to talk about my dating fast experiences and share my testimony with 50 other women, including one of my best friends from high school, who was visiting for the weekend!

2. Solidified post-graduation plans. More on those to come later!

3. A wonderful 22nd birthday, despite it being so close to finals. Celebrating with my roommates and newspaper ed board, and the countless birthday messages from my family and friends. Thank you from my heart.

4. A fantastic senior week with friends I didn’t even know I had, which included a wine tour, jumping in the fountains on campus (a tradition at my school) and senior formal, to which I wore a dreamy pink gown that I paid 40 bucks for at a thrift shop.

5. Getting to cut off 12 inches of my hair to donate to Pantene Beautiful Lengths, an organization that makes wigs for women who have lost their hair due to cancer. For more information on donating, please visit their website.

6. Fruitful conversations with family members, friends, classmates, campus ministers, host family and most importantly, with Jesus. 🙂

7. A new laptop, which I am currently using to type this post. I’m officially an Apple convert. Thanks, Mom and Dad!

8. Graduating cum laude and getting all A’s and A-minuses for my final semester of college! God is SO good, all the time.

9. Spending graduation weekend with my four favorite people in the world: my parents, sister and grandma.

10. The new chapter of my life that begins tomorrow, as I head off to Philadelphia for training, and then to Florida for my summer internship. I won’t give away too many specifics because this is the internet and people are crazy.

BONUS 11: You, reading this blog right now. You are a blessing to me, whether you have followed this journey from the beginning, or have just started. Merci mille fois!

A bientôt!

– Vicky

What have been some blessings in your life lately? Share them in the comments below!

On Perpetuas and Felicitys: My Lenten Dating Fast, Day 26

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The weekend before Ash Wednesday, I attended my Catholic community’s spring retreat. The theme was “Meant for Lent,” so we spent a majority of our time talking about different ways to go on a journey with Jesus during Lent. During one of our first small-group discussions, we went around the circle and shared our plans for Lent. One of the group members didn’t want to share. When we asked him why, he said that suffering in silence, where only Jesus could see his pain, was more noble than telling people he was suffering.

Biblically, this viewpoint is valid (see Matthew 6:16-18,) and I did debate whether or not I should blog about my dating fast. However, I found that my experiences just spilled out of me, whether or not I wanted them to, and that this sharing kept me honest with myself and with others. And that, I think, is the key: being honest and holding yourself accountable. When you put your experiences on the Internet for the whole world to see, there will be people asking you about it. One of the greatest surprises and joys that God has given me during this dating fast is the positive feedback I’ve gotten on my posts from several non-Catholic and even non-Christian friends. I thought that having “Catholic” and “God” as my two most common tags would scare most people away, but people whom I thought wanted nothing to do with religion have come up to me saying, “I really like your blog!” It’s amazing what the word of God can do.

So do I feel guilty about sharing my dating fast? No, and not just because of the positive reception I’ve gotten.

I don’t know about anyone else, but it’s very easy for me to make excuses for why I’m not accomplishing my goals if I shut myself in a box and not tell anyone about them. The race to get to Heaven is the longest and hardest race you will ever have to run. There will be times when you feel like giving up; I’ve had many of those moments over the course of this dating fast. However, I have always been able to find my cheer squad of holy women and men to egg me on. God doesn’t expect us to grow in faith all by ourselves. Someone else has had to teach us the Good News at one point, whether we were 0 or 100. In order for that faith to stick with us and guide us, we need a support system of people to whom we can vent, whose shoulder we can cry on, with whom we can rejoice, and who love us enough to give us a reality check when need be.

Tonight, God gave me a serious reality check, and He chose to use a human mouth to give it to me. I had arrived at the chapel very early before Mass and was sitting in the office with a friend — let’s call her A. Another friend came in, and the three of us started talking about the women’s retreat this coming weekend. The other girl began to talk about her discernment of a romantic relationship, and A was reminding her that it was not on her schedule, but on God’s schedule, that this relationship would blossom or not. I was totally absorbed by A’s words. Trusting God with my love life has been such a struggle for me throughout my dating fast and throughout the past few years.

After the other girl left, A and I continued our conversation. Though A had only come into my life this semester, within 10 minutes, I was bawling as I opened up to her about how hard loving Jesus over anyone else was. She just talked to me, assuring me that even though I sin daily and run away from Jesus, He never abandons me and never loves me less, but MORE. It turned out she was struggling with many of the same issues I was. It was so comforting to know that I wasn’t alone, and that I think is why I felt compelled to blog about this dating fast; I want anyone reading this who is struggling with letting Jesus take the wheel in their love life to know that they are not alone, that God loves them unconditionally and though the road to Heaven is treacherous at times, there is forgiveness, healing and joy waiting at the end of it.

I think of Saints Perpetua and Felicity, the North African noblewoman and her slave who were martyred in the 3rd century. There’s a reason we remember them together; they depended on each other. They couldn’t have fulfilled God’s will for them without one another’s support. They stood side by side as sisters in Christ, even as the wild beasts in the arena tore at their flesh and the swords of the soldiers finally ended them. As women of God, we need to stick together. We need to hold each other accountable. We need to cheer each other on, pick each other up when we fall and trust that there will be others to pick us up when we fall.

So to A, and you at home reading this post, thank you for cheering me on in this journey to Heaven. Know that I am praying for you and cheering you on as well.

A plus tard!

– Vicky

Who’s on your personal cheer squad? Tell me in the comments below!

 

 

You Were Worth Dying For: My Lenten Dating Fast, Day 20

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I needed to reach a breaking point in the dating fast. And I did.

My dare for Day 17 was to meditate in front of a crucifix. The idea was to imagine Christ on the cross saying to me, “I did this for you. Just for you.”

My problem is that I really, really suck at meditating. My brain is always buzzing with 10 different ideas at once. When I try to focus on my post-Communion prayer during Mass, I inevitably think about something else the whole time and then do a quick father-son-holy-spirit-amen after the priest says, “Let us pray.” However, I’ve found that my brain is more inclined to focus, especially during prayer, when my hands are occupied. So to combat any mental wanderings, I brought my journal with me into the meditation chapel on campus. After a minute or two in front of the cross, I opened up my journal and began to write: “Are you just as you were when you were 15?”

At age 15, I felt called to take ownership of my faith in a way I hadn’t before, which is a story for another time. As I wrote in the meditation chapel, the question that plagued me was whether God had really made me a better, more holy person in those six years. And for the first two-thirds of the time I spent there, I thought that I was the same person as I was at 15, just with more sin.

As I wrote, I felt the weight of all the things I had done wrong in the past six years, even the ones that had been absolved through confession. My heart felt like lead. I began to cry. I’m generally not a crier during prayer, but God brought me to my knees in that moment. I asked Jesus, “Why was I worth dying for? I have all this sin on my heart. I hate myself for all the ways I’ve hurt You and others. How can You say You love someone like me? I don’t deserve it.”

I was writing furiously and sobbing alternately. Here I was trying to grow closer to God, doing all the right things — going to Mass three times a week, praying, going on a dating fast, listening to Christian music, etc. — yet I still felt like a horrible human being. I couldn’t see God working in my life. I wasn’t a saint, therefore, I had to be the worst sinner in the world.

Suddenly, everything changed. I began to write out the lyrics to “By Your Side” by Tenth Avenue North: “Why are you striving these days? Why are you trying to earn grace? … Look at these hands and my side. They swallowed the grave on that night, when I drank the world’s sin, so I could carry you in and give you life.” After I had written out a good chunk of the lyrics, I turned the page and wrote five words in huge letters: “YOU WERE WORTH DYING FOR.”

In that moment, Jesus’ mercy penetrated all the layers of shame and self-loathing that had been weighing me down just a few minutes prior. Mark 2:17 reads, “‘It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'”

For much of my spiritual journey, I have battled the false idea that I need to cross off every item on a spiritual checklist before God can love me. God never said, “I will only love you if you don’t sin.” If that was the case, He wouldn’t have sent us His only Son, Jesus Christ, so that we might be free and forgiven from our sins.

This is our faith. This is amazing grace. Believe it. Jesus’ mercy is yours. Take it.

À bientôt!

– Vicky

What are some of your favorite ways to pray? Tell me in the comments below!

“I Want Heaven for You”: My Lenten Dating Fast, Day 9

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‘And like I can’t force the sun to rise or hasten summer’s start, neither should I rush my way into your heart,’ – Brooke Fraser, ‘Love is Waiting’

Over the past few months, I’ve been obsessively watching talks from the Steubenville Conferences on YouTube. For those of you who don’t know, the Steubenville Conferences are a series of Catholic youth conferences held through the Franciscan University of Steubenville in Ohio. They have amazing and faith-filled speakers every summer. Seriously, if you ever need a spiritual pick-me-up, just watch one of their many, many videos.

Two of my favorite flavors of Steubenville talks are the Men’s and Women’s Sessions. As you might expect, these talks focus largely on God’s plan for love and marriage, and as you also might expect, the speakers tailor their message to suit each gender. For the women, the speakers focus on chastity, modesty and body image. The men’s session focuses on chastity, lust and pornography. These aren’t the only subjects they talk about, but they’re themes that I’ve seen across the board.

I now think both talks should be required viewing for both sexes. Why? Because on the most basic level, men and women deal with exactly the same things.

A theme that comes up frequently in the Men’s Sessions is seeing a woman as a beautiful human being to be loved instead of an object of lust to be used. Praise God that that message is getting out there! But I think a similar discussion of lust is missing from most of the Women’s Sessions: how do women fall into the trap of lust, and how can we get out of it?

Sarah Swafford is one of the few Women’s Session speakers I’ve seen talk about how women use men physically and emotionally. Since I saw the video of her 2013 talk a few weeks ago, I’ve noticed how I use guys without even realizing it. Have you ever met a guy for the first time, looked into his eyes, and immediately thought, “Is this the guy I’m supposed to marry?” I have, and I don’t think I’m alone here. Swafford calls it “The Emotocoaster,” where you go from meeting a guy, to mentally planning out your whole relationship, to Facebook-stalking, to texting, to spilling your soul on the phone every night, and on and on. And it repeats for (almost) every guy you meet.

Now of course, this “emotocoaster” looks pretty similar to how many romantic relationships begin. But what’s the difference? Most of the time, when women get on the emotocoaster, we see the object of our affection as just that — an object to be had, a trophy male specimen to be won, instead of a human being with emotions, needs, opinions and desires.

Jason Evert says that, as Catholics, human sexuality is not something we should try to get rid of, but something we should take control of and refine in order to fulfill our true calling for authentic, life-giving love. One naive reason why I wanted to go on this dating fast was because I thought that by not dating, my attraction to guys would go away. I know, sounds backwards, right? It is. But I have been so angry at myself because I still look at guys I know and wonder if they’re “The One.” I haven’t been loving Jesus because I’ve been so focused on not liking guys. My “dare” for Day 2 of the dating fast was to write a love letter to God. I still haven’t written it.

My goal for the next week of the Dating Fast is to focus more on Jesus’ love for me and my love for Him, instead of worrying about not being attracted to men. I know that God put that attraction to men and desire for marriage and love in my heart, and He will realize it in His own time. In order to combat my emotional use of guys in the present moment, I’ve started looking at guys I find attractive and thinking, “I want Heaven for you.” In other words, “I want what’s best for you, even if it doesn’t include me.”

I’ve come up with percentages to keep in mind: 33.3% of the heterosexual guys I meet are called to marriage with a woman that is not me; 33.3% of them are called to a religious vocation; 33.3% of them are called to a single life; .1% are called to marry me. 

My math-major roommate has full license to pick apart my hackneyed calculations, but they’ve helped me put things into perspective. I’m going to hold out for that .1%, the one man Jesus has picked out for me, and only me. Until then, I’m going to let Jesus, the only man who can satisfy all the desires of my heart, love me.

Thank you so much for your overwhelming support of my last post. I’m keeping all of you in my prayers this Lenten season.

À la prochaine,

– Vicky

Blessings Come Through Snowflakes: My Lenten Dating Fast, Day 1

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“What if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?” – Laura Story, “Blessings”

This is going to make me lose some of my Catholic street cred, but this is the first year I’m taking Lent seriously.

I know, I know, where the heck have I been for the past 21 years? Well, I’m not going to make any more excuses.

Throughout my college years, and especially this past year, I’ve often caught myself throwing spiritual temper tantrums. It’s odd, because I never really threw tantrums as a kid; one look from my dad squashed all thought of rebellion. Yet here I was, fighting my Heavenly Father as He tried to draw me closer to Him, to call me to a deeper understanding of my faith, to help me be satisfied with His love before anyone else’s. This last point has kept me from a deeper relationship with God for a long time. I’ve been single for about six months now, and I don’t think I ever fully healed from my last breakup. It sounds backwards; why wouldn’t I want to get over it and move on?

The truth is, I have wanted to move on. I just haven’t allowed myself to.

Our culture has a hostile attitude toward grief of all kinds: breakups, death, illness, divorce, financial troubles, loss of a job, etc. We’re given a grace period of two or three weeks before we begin to hear silent remarks of “That was ages ago! Why are you still crying over it? Can’t you just move on?” Anyone who has ever been through grief knows that these things don’t just vanish in two weeks. A scent, a look, a thought will trigger a memory months, years or even decades later. Bottling it all up does no one any good. So this Lenten season, I am allowing myself to heal, to grieve, to run into Jesus’ arms and find rest.

I stumbled upon Katherine Becker’s book “The Dating Fast” while browsing through Catholic articles on the Interwebs one night. I’m sure there are other types of dating fasts out there, but Becker’s is a 40-day devotional about healing from past relationships, building a deeper relationship with Jesus, and rediscovering God’s true plan for love and marriage. Oh, and by the way, no dating, no crushing, for 40 days. I’m serious. I ordered the book from Amazon and it came in on Valentine’s Day — too perfect, right? So for the next 40 days, I’ll be reflecting at random intervals about what Jesus has been revealing to me and how I’ve grown.

Day 1: “Love is patient, love is kind, yadayadayada” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Ah, the classic wedding passage. I admit that I rolled my eyes when I saw this as my first reading. Wasn’t I supposed to turn away from taking BuzzFeed wedding quizzes and focus on God? But as I reread it slowly, I realized that the passage is not just a bunch of rules about how two married people should love each other; it’s a reflection of how God loves us. Becker’s reflections suggested replacing the word “Love” with “God.” “God is patient. God is kind, etc.” This is how God loves each and every one of us, even if we are not patient and kind and loving to Him or to others.

But I was still frustrated. I didn’t know how to let Jesus love me. Jesus couldn’t take me out to dinner and give me a big hug and kiss at the end of a rough day. How could I be satisfied with just His love if He was up in Heaven and I was stuck down here? I finally said, “Jesus, You need to show me how much You love me, because I can’t see it.”

When I left my apartment to go to my first class, it was snowing. I felt the snowflakes hitting my cheeks and lips, and I imagined they were little kisses from Jesus. I know, I’m so corny. But Jesus kept showing me little ways He could love me, through a stranger who held the door open for me, or a classmate who ran to get me paper towels after I had spilled my coffee. Of course, I also received His love at Ash Wednesday Mass, through ashes, Communion and the faces of my beloved community.

I wouldn’t call today the best day ever: I took a grueling Italian midterm, snapped at one of my colleagues, and dragged my feet on answering emails. But through it all, Jesus made my day better. He’s not stuck up there in Heaven; He is with us, always. He is ever-vigil, always scheming new ways to show us how much He loves us. He wants to show every single woman how beautiful and loved she is; He’s just waiting on your “Yes” to His love.

How are you preparing for Easter during the season of Lent? Tell me in the comments!

A plus!

– Vicky

For more information on Katherine Becker and “The Dating Fast”, please visit www.thedatingfast.com.

The Great Wall of Snark

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It’s always a good week when you see an article on your Facebook news feed that sums up everything you’ve been thinking about that week, especially when you have a blog.

This week’s winning article is from Charlotte Lieberman, a recent graduate of Harvard, whose Carrie Bradshaw-esque article “Why is College Dating So Screwed Up?” has made its way from the Cosmopolitan website to every college girl’s Facebook wall.

Normally, I really hate Cosmo. My best friend and I spent a good part of our New Year’s Eve sleepover flipping through an issue, half laughing, half feeling like puking. But Lieberman’s article was an insightful surprise. En somme, she argues that the relationship problems that college students face are not caused by the so-called “hookup culture,” but rather by technology, sexual experimenting and what Lisa Wade, professor of sociology at Occidental College, calls the “whoever-cares-less-wins” dynamic.

I’m not qualified to talk about the first two causes, so I’ll focus on the last one: assuaging the fear of investing too much emotion and getting hurt by putting up walls of nonchalance.

My honors senior seminar class this semester has practically turned into biweekly group therapy. There are six students in the class, all female, and so our conversations can get pretty personal without fear. This week, our professor asked us to go around the circle and name one behavioral pattern we have noticed ourselves falling into. Mine falls directly under the “whoever-cares-less-wins” umbrella.

When I first try to make friends with a girl, I am very friendly, smiling, open and warm. Later on, as we start to become better friends, my alter ego that I like to call Snarky Vicky comes out. I’m sassy, but it’s all in good humor. When I try to make friends with a guy, it’s a completely different story. Snarky Vicky comes in full force, crushing every male ego in her path. Okay, not really. But I am not warm or open or caring or sensitive. Never. It’s only after I’ve known the guy for several months that I start to soften up, and for some guys, I never do.

And here’s the issue: I’m sick and tired of it.

I hate that I feel I have to put up this Great Wall of Snark to interact with guys, like Heaven forbid they take my attempts to be friendly as flirting! Lieberman recalls an experience where she met a guy at a party who said he’d text her to hang out the next night. He never did, and he avoided her the next day in class. When they met up again a month later, he said that he thought she was cool, but didn’t want to date her. In Lieberman’s words, who had ever said anything about dating?! I feel her frustration: when did the line between friendliness and flirtation become so blurred? If contemporary feminism promotes equality between the sexes, why do we still see guys as “males” before we see them as “human beings?”

I know several intelligent, funny and interesting guys whom I would love to call friends, not boyfriends. But instead of pursuing a friendship, we’re stuck in a “snarkship,” where our conversations contain more witty rejoinders than substance. I’m not saying that clever bantering isn’t a healthy part of a relationship, but there needs to be a balance between jokes and sincerity. You need to know that the other person will be there for you if you have a problem. I don’t feel like I could have a serious, intelligent, meaningful conversation with any of the guys I’m in a “snarkship” with, and that saddens me. There are few things I love more than a really good conversation.

So this is an open letter to any guy I’m currently in a “snarkship” with (you know who you are): I think you’re awesome. I admire you. I would like to get to know you better. I don’t want a relationship, just a friendship. I want you to feel like you can trust me, and that I can trust you. If I’m nice to you, if I ask you how your day is going, if I ask you a thought-provoking question, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m flirting with you. I just want to talk. And if you do too, let’s be friends.

A bientôt!

– Vicky

Are you currently in a “snarkship”? Do you have any other thoughts on Lieberman’s article? Share them in the comments!

15 Situations Made Less Awkward by Contra Dance

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Last Saturday night was the first contra dance of the semester at the big university in town. For me and my friends, this is the best night of the month. Since a friend who plays fiddle in a contra band introduced a group of us to the swirling, toe-tapping world of contra dance last semester, we’ve become addicted.  

Contra dance is a New England variation of 17th century English country dance. (Think Jane Austen attending a party thrown by Laura Ingalls Wilder.) The name, as I found out comes from the French, contre danse. Happy Francophile is happy. I and my friends join 60 or so local residents — no formal partner required, because everyone changes partners for every dance — and step, swing and sway according to the caller’s directions.

I’ve been trying to write about contra for a while, but of course I couldn’t do it to my satisfaction without a pinch of snark. So, here I bring you 15 normally awkward situations rendered slightly less mal à droite by contra dancing. Notice how I say “slightly.”

1. Stepping on your partner’s toes. Contra moves fast. Ain’t nobody got time for excuses for your two left feet. Quickly apologize and move on.

2. Someone stepping on your toes. Don’t wear sandals. Don’t do it.

3. Sweat. By the end of the first dance, contra dance halls get as warm and moist as a greenhouse. You will be touching a lot of sweaty backs. Get used to it.

4. Asking a guy to dance. There’s usually a shortage of partners, so grab ’em while you can.

5. Asking another girl to dance. It’s not weird. Seriously.

6. Dancing with someone other than your SO. Everyone changes partners. Don’t be stingy. And even in the course of the dance, you end up dancing with several different partners, or “neighbors.”

On a side note, my ex-boyfriend told me that seeing me dance with other guys made him jealous in a “Save the Last Dance for Me” kind of way. He was dating a pretty girl that guys wanted to dance with, but he would always scoop me up for the closing waltz. (We didn’t break up because of contra, I swear!)

7. Dancing with someone twice your age. Contra dances attract a lot of locals. People under 30 make up a small percent of the population, even in a college town.

8. Dancing with someone old enough to be your grandfather. See above.

9. Holding hands with a stranger. You have to hold hands with your partner or else you will go spinning into the wall. Between a broken nose and clasping someone else’s sweaty palm, I’d choose the latter.

10. Staring into someone’s eyes for a whole minute. Eye contact is crucial for “swinging,” or spinning in a circle with your partner, especially for those prone to motion sickness.

11. Small talk. Normally, I hate small talk, but it’s even more awkward if you dance with someone without getting at least their name.

12. Dancing with someone in whom you have no romantic interest. These dances may have been designed as a form of courtship, or Elizabeth-and-Darcy-style snark-fests, but asking someone to dance does not mean you like them, nor does being asked to dance mean someone likes you.

13. Dancing with someone who you do find attractive. You can always play the it’s-a-contra-dance-and-my-dancing-with-you-is-totally-arbitrary-except-not-really card.

14. Not having any idea how to dance. There is someone there whose sole job is to tell you what to do, i.e. the caller.

15. Showing that you’re having a good time. People appreciate smiling. And laughing. You’re not a robot. Relax. Have fun.

À la prochaine!

– Vicky

An Audience of One

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I’ve been singing my entire life, and have performed for several crowded auditoriums. But I’m not good at it.

On paper, I seem all right: middle school advanced chorus, high school chamber choir, a solo or two in the spring musical, etc. However, during those years, it seemed to me, and my teachers seemed to share this opinion, that these honors were mostly due to my overachieving and goody-two-shoes tendencies. I was far from the best singer. I had never had a private lesson, though I gleaned a thing or two from public school music education. I had no control over my voice. I couldn’t harmonize. I didn’t read music well. My attempts to sight-read new music in class were often met with glares and eye-rolls from girls with more perfect pitch. The icing on the discouragement cake was when, at a musical rehearsal, a so-called best friend pointed me out to a new student saying, “That’s Vicky. She can’t sing.”

After I left high school, I gave up on the idea of singing by myself in public. But I would always sing loudly in church. Many people I talk to find Catholic hymns to be mind-numbingly dull, but I disagree. With a sound music ministry, music is the most powerful part of any Mass. I feel closest to God when I sing. I hardly ever pray after Communion; I have to sing. People would notice, and some told me my voice was nice, but I was safe and comfortable being one of the congregation.

However, Sunday night Mass showed me that even voice lessons could not correct the one thing that held me back: my audience. Whenever I sang in the past, I sought approval from every single person in a 200-seat auditorium, when I had only to please an audience of One.

It was the first Mass of the semester, and my roommate, one of our music ministers, had a problem. She had three violists and herself on piano, but she had no guarantee that any singers would show up. I stupidly offered my services as a last resort. I say “stupidly” because I assumed I would just be part of the chorus as I was used to doing. I panicked when she told me I’d be singing the Alleluia. I knew what would happen: My nerves would attack my vocal cords as soon as I opened my mouth, and I’d either squeak or over-sing my way through the entire thing.

I escaped into the bathroom before Mass and intended to pray for some control over my errant nerves. But what came out of my mouth was, “God, please help me to realize that this is not about me. It’s all about praising You.”

I decided then that I was going to pretend that Jesus was the only person who could hear me sing. So after the second reading, I took my place by the piano and fixed my eyes on the furthest point up the aisle. I couldn’t see Jesus, but I knew He was there. I took a deep breath as the congregation rose. I opened my mouth. The notes flowed from my lips: rich, full, expressive, everything I had hoped my voice would be if I had more talent or training or both. It didn’t matter whether or not my voice was pleasing to everyone there; I felt my Heavenly Father smiling on his little daughter.

The Gospel reading from St. John struck a chord with me that day. John the Baptist says, upon seeing Jesus come to him, “I myself did not know Him; but for this I came baptizing with water, that He might be revealed to Israel.” (John 1:31)

John the Baptist was a popular fellow. People thought he was the Messiah. But he always pointed the glory back to God. It was not for his own glory, but God’s glory, that he went out and preached and baptized.

God did not give us our gifts and talents so we can hide them away, like the servant in Matthew, Ch. 25 who buried his master’s talent (the coin) in the ground, nor so we can use them on ourselves. He gave them to us so that we can use them for His glory.

God gave you gifts. Use them.

(And yes, I will be singing this Sunday at Mass.)

A plus!

Vicky

A Postcard from … Freeport, Maine

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Bonne année, mes amis! Happy New Year, friends! The semester and the holiday madness are over, so now I get to give you guys some updates!

I spent last weekend in Freeport, Maine for a family reunion. This is the third year (not in a row!) that my dad’s family has had its Christmas shindig in Maine. My uncle, who lives there, has rented the same house on the bay every year, although this year, we had to rent two houses because there were almost 30 of us! Yep, it’s a party.

The Basics: Freeport is located on Casco Bay and is nicknamed “The Birthplace of Maine.” Today, it’s best known for its outlet shopping, which may make travel snobs groan, but many of the stores are housed in historical buildings, such as the Abercrombie and Fitch outlet that lives in the former public library. (I’m not thrilled about it either, but at least they preserved a historical site and Freeport still has a community library.) In 1912, Leon Leonwood Bean opened his first store in Freeport Corner, one of the four original villages that developed into the town. The L.L. Bean flagship store and corporate headquarters are still located in Freeport. If you’re like my dad and hours of shopping make you cringe, the town is also home to Wolfe’s Neck Woods State Park, which offers the most beautiful sunrise ever over Casco Bay.

Vicky’s Itinerary: I didn’t get to do too much tourism as I was, you know, doing family stuff. However, I will share with you a few highlights, starting with waking up at 6:30 a.m. on Friday with my grandma to catch the sunrise.

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This is the view from the first-floor dining room in the second, smaller house I was staying in. You can’t argue with this!

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The backyard of the main(e) house. Ha ha. Puns.

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I caught the sunset later from the other house. Gorgeous, right?

And after a day or two of Christmas presents and pierogis — in case you can’t tell, it’s my Polish side — my immediate family hit Main Street for some shopping!

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A view of the L. L. Bean flagship store from Linda Bean’s Maine Kitchen and Topside Tavern, founded by Leon’s granddaughter. The store has a gigantic sculpture of the famous Maine Hunting Shoe (aka the Bean Boot, not pictured.) I got my first pair of brown Bean Boots on my first trip to Freeport in 2010.

And of course, you can’t leave Maine without a nice hot bowl of …

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… CHOWDA! This bowl I had at Linda Bean’s, but there are several clam chowder and lobster places lined along Main Street. In the great debate of chowda, I am so Team New England. Sorry, Manhattan.

Hidden Treasure: Need a shopping pick-me-up? WALK PAST THE STARBUCKS. WALK PAST IT. Continue down Main Street in the opposite direction of L.L. Bean, and about 800 feet away, you’ll see a sign shaped like a donut. It’s Frosty’s Donuts, which has made hand-cut donuts since 1965. My favorite is the maple cream donut. Mmmmm.

Stay tuned for more Postcards From … as I travel in 2014!

A plus tard!

Vicky

Dragon Loyalty Award Tag: 7 Interesting Facts About Me

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Hey all! It’s been a crazy two weeks with Thanksgiving and then getting back to school for my second-to-last week of finals. Bleh. Well, I still have half a week of classes and a week of exams, but I finished a French paper and an arts front for the school paper today, so I needed something fun to write.

About a week ago, my dear friend Emily Miller (http://emilymiller91.wordpress.com/), (who turns 22 today!) tagged me for the Dragon Loyalty Award!

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But since I’ve just restarted this blog and most of the people I know who read my posts don’t have their own WordPress, I’m not going to tag anyone specifically.

I know, I know. I’m a funsucker. But if you feel so inclined to repost this, feel free to tag me in it.

Thank you to everyone who reads this, for putting up with my musings, rants, poetic-waxing and delay-fish tendencies. HUGS!!****

“The philosophy of the award is: The Dragon’s Loyalty Award is an award for the loyal fan/commenter, whether the recipient is a fellow blogger or just someone who follows and comments regularly”. 

There are some rules that one must follow in order to fully accept the award and they are as follows:

1. Firstly, display the Award on your site. You earned it and you deserve it!

2. Link back to the person who gave you the award in your acceptance post;

3. Nominate 15 well deserving bloggers for the Award and let them know the wonderful news by sending them a message on their site;

4. List 7 interesting facts about yourself”

7 Interesting Facts About Me, Vicky

1. My idea of Heaven runs something along the lines of sitting in a used bookstore and cafe with God and Jesus in overstuffed chairs reading great literature, drinking coffee and talking about life, all day, every day. (In case it isn’t obvious enough, I’m a nerd. And a Catholic.)

2. I attended two different elementary schools and two different middle schools without ever leaving the house I grew up in. My town built two new schools in the span of five years, and I had to switch because of rezoning.

3. Give me an excuse to bake something and I will.

4. I have traveled to six countries thus far: Aruba, England, France, Italy, Austria and Canada. Poland and Ireland are next on my (very extensive) bucket list.

5. My favorite flavor combination is dark chocolate and raspberry.

6. I was a member of my school’s ballroom dance team for one year.

7. I will most likely become a professional cat lady at some point in my life.

Happy Birthday, Emily! ❤ Love you so so much!

A bientôt!

– Vicky